What You Don't See on Instagram-- College Experience #1

This post is the first blog for my new blog series What You Don't See on Instagram. This new series is important to me because as much as I like posting on Instagram-- most of what anyone puts out there is fake. It's time to get real.

I want to talk about some of the times I struggled at school and when I wanted to transfer from my school, and the reason I stayed. Although, there were lots of good moments over the past couple years, there were also many struggles I faced that obviously I didn't post or talk about. I think some of these things are something many people go through, which is why I want to share my reasoning for why I stayed. I want to share these experiences because I know many people who have struggled in similar ways at small universities-- and talking about it helps us feel like we are not alone!

1. The first main experience like this for me was having a falling out with my best friends and never talking again. Like many other people, I thought I found my best friends Freshman year. Well, I was very wrong. Without going into detail, we had a situation that resulted in us never speaking again. I don't like to hold grudges, so I thought we would be friends again at some point, but that didn't happen-- in fact, they both transferred schools. It was my first real time facing something like this.

Not only was it hard being 5 hours away from home, I felt defeated and had no energy to participate in school activities or hang out with other people outside of classes to cultivate those new friendships I desperately needed. Many other factors went into this, including the fact that I felt like everyone else found their friend group and I was just stuck outside of mine. The last thing I wanted to be was the girl with no friends. I hadn't found my place yet, and mentally I knew that was okay, but in my heart, that was not me. The thing I didn't realize and have learned junior and senior year is what happens to most people their first year. Unless you want to completely reinvent yourself and fit in with a group of people that you don't have a genuine connection with, it's very rare the first people you meet will be your friends at your wedding.

2. Next, is the classic tale of not having people to live with and having incompatible roommate situations. Between changes in living arrangements because of online classes, and people turning out different than I thought they'd be, after lots of tears, I wound up in an almost perfect living situation my junior year. (Don't get me wrong when I say perfect. No living situation is perfect.) Freshman year, I made the bold (and what I think to be wrong) choice of going random for my roommate selection. I was placed with someone who I was completely incompatible with. Without getting into more detail, I eventually got a new roommate who wound up being a friend. It was great except for the fact the world shut down after a couple months of living together. I lived at home all of my sophomore year, and junior year I had more friends lined up to live with but they switched up on me last minute so I did not know anyone I was going to live with... again. They wound up being my closest friends and I am living with them again senior year.

I guess you can tell I have told this story a lot, I would have never thought I could summarize the years of painful roommate experiences in 5 sentences. I have to say, a lot of stress comes from rooming-- not just finding a person to live with, but sustaining a healthy living environment for everyone involved. (I am going to go into more detail in another post!) At the end of the day, this is something pretty common, and if you haven't experienced anything terrible with your college rooming situation, consider yourself lucky.

3. Two words... CORE. CLASSES! When I chose my school, I was excited to continue my education in most subjects and feel fulfilled in the end with a well rounded education. But oh my. Aside from NEVER (okay, maybe once) being able to getting the classes I wanted when I was making my schedule, the core was so rigorous that I am still working on it in my last semester of senior year. In order to have the major and minor I signed up for when entering school, the plan they laid out for my major was very unrealistic with the courses they offered.

4. On top of this, most of the courses push an ulterior motive, if you know what I mean. Let's just say, this was not the Jesuit school I signed up for either. Every day, I wake up and regret the money I spent that goes towards the brain washing most professors participate in. But that is yet another blog topic!! Some like to argue "it's a liberal arts college, what did you expect?" But do not understand what a liberal arts college means. This perfectly blends into the next struggle I have had... politics.

5. Politics, politics, everywhere. I mean, after 2020, that's a topic everyone is well versed in, right? I am heavily involved with right leaning politics on campus, and not only does that attract some of the scariest people threatening you, but definitely an awkward atmosphere in classes where they promote opposite ideas as facts. This goes for either side if you are involved with something like this. NOT for one second do I regret my involvement-- if anything, I wish I was involved more, but there are only so many hours in a day. The struggle here is the times I felt so isolated. When I first started my clubs, there were times where it was just me and one other officer at meetings. We felt hopeless. It felt like there was no one that cared about the same things we cared about at our school which felt defeating.

Many times I wish I chose a more inclusive, less politically motivated school. But I stayed because I did not want to run from a place that so clearly needed more opinion and people who would stand up for what I (and many others) think. I think no matter what you're standing up for, facing the other viewpoints are important, and transferring schools would have been giving into an idea I don't believe in.

6. My next struggle was feeling like I didn't fit in and all of the drama. This is kind of a mix of the past few "problems" but this was another thing that I never struggled with before. Now, let's get something straight, I never have/never will care about the term "fitting in." Being at a small private institution, took that term to a whole new level. I thought that college in general would be way different when it came to making friends even at a small school. I was completely blindsided by the "cliquiness" that occurred right off of the bat. I have never been the type of person to stick with one "group" of people-- so seeing so many people keeping their circles small and not being open to making new friends made me feel stuck.

Especially at a small school-- where everyone pretty much knows each other-- drama is hard to avoid. There have been many times where I am stuck in the middle of something that is essentially pointless, and it is a major stress factor when you think everyone knows about it on top of it all. That is also something that unfortunately everyone goes through at some point.

7. Getting cut from a team I loved. One of the main reasons I came back to school my junior year was a team I dreamed of being on. We did things a little differently when I was on it sophomore year but I put in a lot of effort to make connections with my teammates and coaches. Then, something came up and we got a new coach. He asked some of the girls who were on the team previously, including myself, to "try out" again, and then kept pushing off the date until it never happened. He eventually "left" the university. But it honestly felt like a slap in the face that one of the main reasons I came back was for that team and I was not even on it. Let's just say I boycotted going to all basketball games that season. I debated putting this on here. But, unfortunately, this is also something people go through. Whether it is a team, job, friend group, relationship, rejection sucks. I still am friends with some of the girls but let me tell you, that sucked.

At the end of the day, education is the most important part of college. I came to Loyola with the intentions with getting my degree and getting to know a new city. I definitely am learning. Even if it's not actual history, I am learning a lot about how I handle certain situations and my beliefs. If I ran away from my problems at school, I knew that wouldn't solve anything for me. Also, who knows if I would experience the same things or something worse at another place. At a certain point with a good portion of my college experience being online, I figured I might as well not go through the struggles of finding something new. When I returned fully in person as a Junior, I made my schedule busy with clubs and studying-- although I was still holding a grudge. I am a senior now, finishing up this piece. I still struggle with some of these things and more.

Like I said before, I do have some regrets about where I went to school. But I can never regret something fully where I learned so much about myself and people around me. I hope this helps at least one person know they are not alone or at least open their eyes to similar experiences, or different perspectives. Remember, not everything you see online is sunshine and roses!

If you have any questions, reach out!

Thanks for reading!

XOXO

-Lexi

Follow me on Instagram: @Lexi_Vincento & @Unlimited.Daylight